The Gingerdead Man (2005)

Lunatic Gary Busey plays lunatic Millard Findlemeyer, a deranged serial killer who is executed and somehow turned into a murderous gingerbread man, looking to take revenge on the woman who sent him to the chair. How does he turn into a killer gingerbread man you ask? Fuck knows. Some hooded figure leaves gingerbread mixture outside a bakery and they decide to bake it. Then some moron cuts his hand and bleeds profusely into the mix and the baker just ignores that and bakes it anyway. It isn’t a drop and it isn’t done without her knowledge. She watches as he gushes blood into the mix and then she just carries on as if nothing has happened. I’m no baker, but I don’t think that is the correct procedure. I would assume that if blood gets into the food, you throw it away. Anyway, all this plus some electricity causes Findlemeyer to return in the form of a crumb based criminal.

This is billed as a comedy horror, however I feel this often happens in retrospect after they realise the film is crap and pretend that it is supposed to be funny. Problem is it isn’t funny on any level. Not script, not unintentional, not anything. It is just a really bad horror movie.

Gary Busey is an interesting person. At first I thought, how did a film like this get Gary Busey to star in their movie. Then I realised that the former celebrity big brother winner isn’t what you would call ‘in demand’. According to IMDb he has over 175 acting credits and most of them are shit like this. If you ever see any footage of him it will take you less than 5 seconds to realise this man is one mad bastard. Also, he is a qualified pilot. That is the scariest thing I have ever heard.

“An evil yet adorable gingerbread man” – A direct quote from the movie’s marketing.

The reason slasher horrors work the majority of the time is because they have a good villain. Take Freddy Krueger for example. He is a scary man who haunts your dreams. He gets you when you are vulnerable and is capable of doing whatever he wants as he controls the reality. He works as a villain because the victims are helpless and have a lot to overcome. The reason The Gingerdead man doesn’t work is because it is a fucking biscuit. I could beat it in a fight. If I saw it coming I could easily kick the shit out of it. At no point in my life have I ever been scared I was going to be outwitted by a custard cream. It just doesn’t work. He may have a knife, but he is brittle, he is edible, and one good kick will have him in pieces.

Looking for a Positive

It one scene the Gingerbread man drives a car. I guess this gives hopes to all the cookies out there with aspirations to drive who feel that their tiny brittle structure would make it impossible.

Would I recommend this film?

No I wouldn’t. It isn’t entertaining. It is just a series of bad decisions and pointless moments strung together to try and make a buck. It lacks sincerity to be considered so bad it’s good. Instead its badness comes from people not giving a shit, it is people just wanting a payday. These kind of movies know they aren’t good, they don’t try to hide it and that what stops them from being entertaining. Several sequels to this movie were made including Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust, Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver, and Gingerdead Man vs Evil Bong.

This movie has a terrible villain, awful protagonist, nonsensical plot devices, and claims to be tongue in cheek. If this was made to be purposely bad (and I suspect it was), you also have to make it so it is entertaining. This is just bad. Real bad. It was stupid, I don’t understand why nobody left the bakery after it was evident that this little gingerbread prick was murdering people, I don’t understand how a professional baker could accidentally bake 1 pint of blood into some gingerbread mix, and I don’t understand why nobody just through to give him a good kick. Lord Farquaad proved in Shrek that it is easy to disable a gingerbread man and he was about 3 foot tall. These morons have no excuse.

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